The Jozen One

Life doesn't always fit into pretty little packages, nor does it conform to the frame of our preferences. Instead, it spills over the rim of our intentions and leaks onto places we never meant for it to go.  That's what makes it beautiful, I am ever moved by the perfect chaos of my unpredictable life.

I'm having the hardest time right now trying to recall a day when I was the princess. For some reason this afternoon I have been meditating on the theory that memory is associated with the value that you or someone else placed on the ability to recall an event or situation. If that's unclear, what I mean is ... When I was very little girl my grandmother made me feel like I was so important and that what I did during the school day or during my normal life was so important to her that I would remember things and then when we would visit I would tell her all about it. Or later when I was older, & a friend would imply that something was important, I would remember that...so vividly. I'm now on am adventure to remember more of my life. Because, my whole life is valuable, not just the parts that others were interested in.

A few times in life,  I can recall when I was so sure that God had spoken clearly about a direction that I bolted towards the end without more than a nudge. A few more times than that, I recall digging my heals in deep,  determined to wait until God posted a billboard... in my front lawn... in neon lights... with a marching band accompaniment (you know what I mean). But, these times aren't necessarily the difficult ones; it's toughest when we're sure we have the plan and the plan seems to change. When God "seems" to redirect,  it's confusing. We doubt our ability to hear Him, wondering if He really even spoke in the first place. Matthew (the author) may have unintentionally addressed this, but the Spirit knew that today I would see a fresh encouragement, and you might too. Matthew 2:19-23 But when Herod was dead, behold, an angel of the Lord appeareth in a dream to Joseph in Egypt, saying, Arise and take the young child and his mother, and go into the l...

Worship Leading was suppose to be this grand spiritual journey, full of hours long songs and prayers that never end. I imagined breathing in the holy commission of song writing and exhaling incredible expressions of love for my Glorious God. The experience has been much more about coordinating schedules, retraining bad behaviors, gently correcting...everything...all the time, and basically trying to keep my sanity while also delicately letting go of self and allowing God to do His work in me. That may seem like a recipe for destruction or a really great explanation for why I would leave this crazy position and spend the rest of my days avoiding church leadership. Instead, I can count it all as joy. I heard an amazing sermon today about "the cost" of ministry. Chip Ingram spoke about some frustrations in ministry and about the conversation he and his wife had after church one day. In the wisdom God gave her, she said, "What if the frustration is simply the cost? Jesus ...